Last year on Landon's birthday... Septmber 4th, 2011, one of my dearest friends called me and she was on her way to the hospital in labor to give birth to her daughter. I was excited for her, until I remembered what day it was. I drove to the hospital very anxious and nervous for my friend, for this was the day of the year that changed my life for the worst 5 years prior. I knew that I couldn't show any signs of fear to my friend because her husband was hundreds of miles away getting ready to leave for a deployment and couldn't make it home. I had to be strong. I had to put aside my pain for that day and be strong for my friend. How was I going to do that? On September 4 for the past 4 years I lay in bed all day and sobbed and mourned the loss of my own child. How could I help my friend welcome her new baby on that same day?
The answer to this question is simple. God allows you the strength to get through each day... especially days like that one. I know that to some of you that might be a stupid answer, and 6 years ago I would have said that is the most stupid answer, because God is the one that took my son away. I was so angry with God for allowing something so awful to happen to me. There are days that I question it still, but God is the one that keeps me going. No matter what the obstacle, God will give you the strength if you just have faith. I made it through that day last year without breaking down in front of everyone.
That day was always Landon's day before... a day for me to remember my sweet boy... the first and last time I would ever lay eyes on him. It is still Landon's day, but it can be other things too. It can be Aubree's birthday, and my dad's birthday. I can be happy, and I can go on with my life. There is no doubt I will always shed a few tears on September 4th, but hopefully the rest of the day will be filled with smiles. God wants me to go on, and he has provided the strength I need to do that.
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