The Road Not Taken

I remember in high school I had to memorize this Robert Frost poem. Sometimes I feel like my life is like this... but instead of choosing the path less traveled on my own, I am forced down that road.

I had my much anticipated appointment with the high risk maternal/fetal medicine doctor recently. I was so excited to get on track for trying to get pregnant and see what steps we should take with our infertility issues, and talk about what other precautions should be taken because of my blood disorder. I was pumped, and ready for what the future would hold for Josh and I.

I didn't think that this appointment would be a disappointment, or anything to worry about. I was just concerned about having to do blood thinner injections twice a day and being monitored more closely. I was wrong on so many levels. I started talking to the doctor about my previous pregnancy with Landon. 

The doctor stopped and took a deep breath. I could tell that she was going to tell me something I didn't want to hear. Pregnancy for me would be a nail biter the whole way... if I even could get pregnant. Not only that but the risk of death is a possibility. Since I have already had a stroke, I am at a much higher risk of having another stroke. Pregnant women are more prone to blood clots... and someone with my disorder is looking at blood clots as a high possibility. I already had preeclampsia at 26 weeks, and the risk of that happening again is a 70-80% chance. If I did go full term with no complications, I would still be likely to have a low birth weight baby, and even a baby that would have my same blood disorder.

Wow... can you say tears?

I have already felt like a failure as a mother... but now I feel like a failure as a mother and a wife. I can't give my precious husband the child that he so desperately wants.

That's where "The Road Not Taken" comes into play. I can't physically give him the child that we both want... but we can adopt. Adoption is something that we have talked about before if we weren't able to conceive. Because of my situation, pregnancy is too dangerous for me. Josh and I talked, and he doesn't want to risk losing me for a baby when we can take the much safer route of adoption.

I had looked around at adoption several months ago, and I prayed about it then as well. This time that we brought it back up again... it felt right. No matter how heart broken we may have been at the news I got from the doctor, our hearts are still open to bringing a baby into our family. We don't care that it has my curly blonde hair, or Josh's hazel eyes.. or that it has none of our DNA. We just want to raise a child in the Lord and be parents to someone in need.

I am more than happy to announce that we have started our journey to adopt. Please pray for us during this time in our lives that God gives us the strength, wisdom, and money we need to bring a baby home in our arms.