If only...

Today as I was driving through town on my way to run some errands... an image popped in my head. It was the image of a 6 year old, blond hair, blue eyed boy in my back seat giggling as he sang along to the song on the radio. The image burned in my mind... and I longed for it to be real life, and not just something I had dreamed up. I often wonder what my sweet Landon would look like... would he be short and skinny like I was as a young kid...? I also wonder what his  personality would be like... would he be serious, or always laughing and cutting up? Would he be sweet and want to snuggle before bed while we read a bedtime story? There are so many things I want to know about the little boy I never got to raise. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and wish he was with me. My life would be so different, and I would be so different. I wonder sometimes why God's plan for my life had to be so cruel, but I also know that I wouldn't be where I am today without the events that took place.

For the past 7 years of my life, I have been bitter and angry towards God. First I was angry because I got pregnant... that wasn't supposed to happen my first year of college. I was just being carefree and wild like every other college student, or so I thought. Then I was angry because in the blink of an eye Landon was taken from me, and my life has been forever changed. If only things had been a little different...