Boomer

There isn't a night that I lay down without him in my arms.

No, it isn't my husband, and it isn't my dog (well not my real life one). Every night I snuggle with Boomer, a stuffed animal dog that my dad gave me in the hospital when Landon was born. It was something that I could remember my little boy by, and something that I could hold to comfort my "empty arms". Sometimes I wake up and I have dropped Boomer in my sleep. I will frantically search for him in the dark until he is in my arms again and my panic is over.

When I talk about it now, it seems silly that I have let a stuffed animal hold such a special place in my heart. To me it is way more than that. Instead of bringing Landon home, I brought home Boomer. He doesn't compare to the son that I love so much, but he is a gift that was given to me that hasn't been taken away. I'm worried that somebody will finally take it from me, telling me I am too old for stuffed animals, or that one of my rowdy dogs will think it is a toy. I know it is only a stuffed animal and just a worldly possession, but it is one that I will cling to for the rest of my life. Boomer has been there for me to cry on and soak up my tears for many years now. He has listened to me give up on life and declare defeat. He has also been there when I have picked myself back up and moved forward even when I didn't have the strength to.

Boomer is a stuffed animal to most, but to me... He has been the one with me since my worst day, the one I hug when I miss my son, and the one that came home from the hospital with me so that my arms weren't empty.